Best Music of 2012

As I always tend to do around this time of year, I wander through the music websites and see what the "Best Album" lists have to offer.  Sometimes an excellent album that has been reviewed well--Walkmen, Heaven--finds its way to being excluded from almost all of the lists.  Other times an album that has been reviewed as being good--but not necessarily mind-blowing--vaults to the top of a list or two (Grimes, Visions).  We look for surprises; they cooperate by giving them to us.

All of this makes it fun for me, a person who cannot . . . ever . . . turn away from a list.  I go to the Yahoo news loop for precisely this effect when I need 15 minutes--or 6 hours--to burn.  I can usually find a list or two there, and the list almost always has absolutely nothing to do with my life.  Ten dirtiest U.S. cities.  Ten foreign retirement spots.

So when the list is actually something that I care about--well then, it's time for a blog post.

Here are the top ten albums from a variety of websites--Pitchfork, Allmusic, Spin, and that piece of shit RollingStone.




Pitchfork

1. Kendrick Lamar, good kid, m.A.A.d. city
2. Frank Ocean, Channel Orange
3. Fiona Apple, The Idler Wheel
4. Tame Impala, Lonerism
5. Swans, The Seer
6. Grimes, Visions
7. Beach House, Bloom
8. Chromatics, Kill for Love
9. Death Grips, The Money Store
10. Grizzly Bear, Shields



Allmusic

1. Grimes, Visions
2. Frank Ocean, Channel Orange
3. Fiona Apple, The Idler Wheel
4. Kendrick Lamar, good kid, m.A.A.d. city
5. Miguel, Kaleidoscope Dream
6. Flying Lotus, Until the Quiet Comes
7. Torche, Harmonicraft
8. Jessie Ware, Devotion
9. David Byrne and St. Vincent, Love This Giant
10. Carly Rae Jepsen, Kiss



Spin

1. Frank Ocean, Channel Orange
2. Kendrick Lamar, good kid, m.A.A.d. city
3. Japandroids, Celebration Rock
4. DJ Rashad, Teklife Vol. 1, Welcome to the Chi
5. Miguel, Kaleidoscope Dream
6. Bat for Lashes, The Haunted Man
7. Swans, The Seer
8. Killer Mike, R.A.P. Music
9. Ty Segall, Twins
10. Santigold, Master of My Make-Believe




That Piece of Shit Rolling Stone

1. Bruce Springsteen, Wrecking Ball
2. Frank Ocean, Channel Orange
3. Jack White, Blunderbuss
4. Bob Dylan, Tempest
5. Fiona Apple, The Idler Wheel
6. Kendrick Lamar, good kid, m.A.A.d. city
7. Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, Here
8. Green Day, Uno!
9. Japandroids, Celebration Rock
10. Neil Young and Crazy Horse, Psychedelic Pill



A few observations.

1. Frank Ocean comes #2, #2, #1, and #2.  Even though other albums did very well on year-end lists--making every list included here, like Kendrick Lamar's album, or three out of four lists, like Fiona Apple--no other album comes close to Frank Ocean's list-making skills.
2. In this blog, I predicted that Frank Ocean's album would be the best of the year.  I think.  If I didn't write it, I at least thought it.
3. Rolling Stone truly is a piece of shit.  Any website that claims that Springsteen's Wrecking Ball is the number one album of the year should be fed to a dog, shat out, then fed to the same dog and doubleshat.  Rolling Stone is worse than shit.  It is shit that comes from a dog eating nothing but shit.  Rolling Stone is shit squared.  And to think that, years ago, I used to subscribe to it.  I want to travel back in time, find my earlier self who used to subscribe to shit-within-shit Rolling Stone, and shoot me in the face, unless that would kill the present me--it probably would--in which case I would just throw the earlier me down some stairs, in the hopes that the resulting injuries will not last long enough to reach me in 2013.  At the very least, Past Me should be bitchslapped by Present Me.
4. Happy New Year!

Back from Borneo

At one point, I was mugged by an orangutan named Toby.

More to come.  

Hope your holidays were fantastic, or nice if not fantastic, or decent if not nice, or only mildly unhappy if not decent or, if none of the above, at least not suicidal.

My Time at PokerListings

Before I leave for Borneo, I had an idea for a post.  About four years ago, I got an email from someone from pokerlistings who basically said that they liked my blog and wanted me to do "comedy" posts.  For free.  Doing something for nothing--it seemed like a great idea!  So I said yes.

I think I made four articles for them.  They were not funny.  Also, some mystery editor kept changing my lines--they were probably too offensive.  The problem was that the changes kept taking away even more the humor.  After I got annoyed enough, I stopped sending them stuff.

So anyhoo, I can't access them here in the UAE.  Pokerlistings is banned here, apparently.  But here are the links.

(By the way, they wanted a picture of me for each article.  I said, "No way."  They insisted, so I said, "Just use the picture of the goofiest looking poker player that you can find online."  So that long haired dude that you see in the article?  He ain't me.  I look much goofier.)

"Developing the Steel Trap of a Micro Grinder"

"Transforming Pennies into Nickels without Black Magic"

"Poker's Egyptian Origins"

"Ish at the Deuce"

Happy Holidays!

Going to Borneo

Gone for a month.

Scenario of the Undressing--Then Dressing--Man

I asked a female friend yesterday what she would do if the following scenario happened to her.

Here it is:

She is sitting alone in her office at work.  A male colleague walks into her office and casually says, "Hi, how are you doing?" or something of that nature.  She gives the typical response, "I'm fine.  How are you?"  Then he starts asking her questions about work--"What should we do if this situation occurs?"  "What should our plans be for the coming weeks?"  Basic stuff.  And she answers him--again--in a typical way.

Soon, however, he begins to undress.  But he does it without losing his casual conversational tone.  He takes off his shirt and asks her about the upcoming meeting.  He takes off his shoes, socks, and pants as he makes a comment about their new boss.  As he removes his underwear, he mentions the weather.

Until finally he is completely naked and talking to her in the most casual, normal way about the chances this upcoming season of the local sports team.

As the conversation continues, he would gradually start putting his clothes back on until, his belt buckled and his last button buttoned, he'd say, "Talk to you later!" in a cheery tone and wander back down the hall.

The old "undress-till-naked-and-then-dress-and-pretend-the-whole-thing-was-natural" move.

After giving her this scenario, I asked her, "What would you do?"

Her response surprised me.  "I wouldn't do anything," she said.

"Nothing?"

"Nothing."

"Why?"

"Curiosity."

"About?"

"To see what he would do next."

That astounded me, and I said so.

I had to find out more.  "So the next time he comes into your office . . ." I began.

She cut me off--in a tone of warning--by saying, "I would immediately ask, 'Are you going to take your clothes off again?'"

I would never have predictable any of those responses.

Then I Went to the Zoo

This all-black dress covers everything except the face.  Very standard.  (I don't mean to imply that these ladies are animals at the zoo.)

Flamingo!

No clue what this animal is, but judging by his racing stripes, I bet he's fast.

This dude seemed to know I was taking his picture.

Also not zoo animals.  These dudes were holding hands, linking pinky with forefinger.  Same-sex hand holding seems more common than men and women holding hands.

Lion!

Rhino!

These cheetahs were lying on their backs and rolling from side to side like housecats at play.  One dude rolled into another dude, and they started wrestling.

Meerkat!

Fun weekend.

Goal Achieved!

I've tried two of these TED-inspired 30-day goals.

October Goal: Write fiction for 50 hours

October Result: FAILURE

November Goal: No alcohol for the month

November Result: GREAT SUCCESS

I had finished my last beer on Halloween sometime around 11:58 p.m.

I had my first beer of three on December 1st at 12:02 a.m. while watching This Is Spinal Tap.

I haven't decided what my December goal will be yet.  If there will be one.  I'm traveling to Borneo from Deccember 14th until after the new year, so I'm not sure if I want to try a quick two-week goal before I go.  Suggestions?

If I can't think of anything, I'll just hold off till January.