Online Poker in America?

I've heard rumors that PokerStars might be buying Full Tilt Poker.  This sounds unlikely.

Even more unlikely, I've heard rumors that PokerStars might be returning to the U.S. market with the approval of the Department of Justice.

I can't imagine how this would be so.  The government has acted according to its interpretation of federal law.  To reverse that decision seems awfully odd.  And now with twoplustwo getting hacked and being unavailable on the innertubes, my information funnel has been stoppered.

As I recall, online poker in the U.S. got shitcanned by the DOJ last year in April.  Since then, poker players across the States have been mastering the closest poker substitute: Plants vs. Zombies.  The problem with that game, however, is the thousands of dollars that you win can only be spent on plants and on seed for your Wisdom Tree.  And all the Wisdom Tree gives you is dipshit advice in the most enthusiastic tones.

"Don't walk over manhole covers!"


"Don't mix your alcohol!"


"Don't 24-table in the tub!"


"Stop facepunching yourself!"


"Wear pants!"

My own personal Wisdom Tree tells me that both of the above rumors are longshots at best.  But because I'll be back in the States for July and August, with absolutely no work to preoccupy me--the biggest benefit of university teaching--I'd love it if I turn out to be wrong.

The Deuce--one-cent/two-cent unlimited hold them, a game at which I can trashtalk the world's penny players in 16 languages and also maintain a bragworthy winrate of $3/hour--is awaiting.