I fell victim to food poisoning on Saturday night. At the time, my stomach felt as if it had tightened into a fist-sized stone. That was all that happened that night. I figured I would be fine by morning.
Ever had food poisoning? No? Well, let me introduce you. Because it realizes that it is being attacked from within by a host (my mouth) that chose to eat poisoned food (crab hors d'oeuvres), my body shut down almost all unimportant operations, like being awake, and aimed at killing the baddies crawling with determination into my intestines.
I felt pain, occasionally great pain. I felt like I was doing crunches all the time in anticipation of another burst of pain. And I groaned a lot, involuntarily. And then there were the chills. All in a country that perpetually hovers around 100 degrees Fahrenheit.
Anyhoo, that's how I felt when I awoke on Sunday morning. Chills, abdominal pain. It is Monday afternoon now, and I am feeling much better, thanks for asking. I have graduated to "sick." On Sunday, my status was "agony."
Yes, Sunday was the tough day. I was awake for about 4 or 5 hours on Sunday. I just kept wanting to go to sleep. Still, right now, I can go to sleep if I want--even though I have slept perhaps 24 hours in the last day and a half.
Now for the embarrassing part. One consequence of my body shutting down its "ancillary" operations is that . . . well, my body started to ignore some things. Like the shit coming out of my ass. When I was awake, I could notice what was going on down there and remedy the situation fairly quickly. But it was a different story when I was asleep.
And so on Sunday night I frequently awoke to realize that I had shit the bed. I shit four pairs of underwear, two sweatpants, one pajama bottom, two bedsheets, the mattress itself, and some other things that I can't remember at the moment. I found that I was not thinking very much about anything. I was only shitting myself and cleaning myself up.
The only good news, I suppose, is that I don't have to teach this week! I'm way too weak.
I hope your weekend went better than mine. I'm sure it did.
Ever had food poisoning? No? Well, let me introduce you. Because it realizes that it is being attacked from within by a host (my mouth) that chose to eat poisoned food (crab hors d'oeuvres), my body shut down almost all unimportant operations, like being awake, and aimed at killing the baddies crawling with determination into my intestines.
I felt pain, occasionally great pain. I felt like I was doing crunches all the time in anticipation of another burst of pain. And I groaned a lot, involuntarily. And then there were the chills. All in a country that perpetually hovers around 100 degrees Fahrenheit.
Anyhoo, that's how I felt when I awoke on Sunday morning. Chills, abdominal pain. It is Monday afternoon now, and I am feeling much better, thanks for asking. I have graduated to "sick." On Sunday, my status was "agony."
Yes, Sunday was the tough day. I was awake for about 4 or 5 hours on Sunday. I just kept wanting to go to sleep. Still, right now, I can go to sleep if I want--even though I have slept perhaps 24 hours in the last day and a half.
Now for the embarrassing part. One consequence of my body shutting down its "ancillary" operations is that . . . well, my body started to ignore some things. Like the shit coming out of my ass. When I was awake, I could notice what was going on down there and remedy the situation fairly quickly. But it was a different story when I was asleep.
And so on Sunday night I frequently awoke to realize that I had shit the bed. I shit four pairs of underwear, two sweatpants, one pajama bottom, two bedsheets, the mattress itself, and some other things that I can't remember at the moment. I found that I was not thinking very much about anything. I was only shitting myself and cleaning myself up.
The only good news, I suppose, is that I don't have to teach this week! I'm way too weak.
I hope your weekend went better than mine. I'm sure it did.
My weekend sure as hell went a lot better than yours.
ReplyDeleteHowever, a buddy in PA and his woman went to the Football Hall of Fame and both ate a salad that gave them food poisoning this weekend.
However, they also had a better weekend because they had someone to suffer with I guess.
Glad you are recovering. Clean-up duty (pun intended) seems not so fun
Glad you're weekend went well. I'm much better today. Behind schedule on everything though. Funny how losing a week of work can really upend one's life.
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