Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Broken Lift

The elevator in my building at work had a sign on it this morning:

Okay, broken elevator.  Fine.  Underneath the announcement was a parenthetical:
(We provide maintenance so the lift will serve you better)
I'll be the first to admit that I am overly analytical, but this second sentence got me thinking.
How did the lift serve me before it was broken?  As far as I can recall, I would enter it, push the button for my floor, it would take me there, and I would exit it.
Now they claim is that the lift will serve me better.  Hmm!  What do they have in mind?  Mini bar?  Not likely in the United Arab Emirates.  Massage hands?  Cushioned seats?  An elevator operator?  A Snickers bar atop a marble stand?  Television built into the wall?  Rockabilly band full of midgets?  A magician performing one card trick per visit?  A dirty joke teller?  A person whose job it is to greet me with the words "You look fantastic"?  A miniature zoo?  Free lunch? 
I await their improvements with anticipation.


  1. I'd settle for Dirty Joke Teller.
    In Fact, I might be inclined to apply for said position if the pay were good.

    However, with my luck

    "Oh, your pay? Well, you start at $100 per hour and it drops $10/hour every time someone does NOT laugh at your jokes and another $10/hour if someone is offended by your jokes and once you reach $000/hour then you start giving massages with happy endings during the ride"

  2. Awesome. Not awesome, but awesome. Thanks for the laugh.

  3. It will serve you better in that you don't have to read dumb signs.

    1. Yes, that sums it up, now that it is fixed and none of the expected improvements are in place.