Sunday, January 27, 2013 Teaches Me How to Write a Music Review is awesome.  I don't do much of anything without consulting it first.  Today, it will teach me how to write a music review.

"1.  Listen to the CD a few times. Write down how you feel while you listen. Be objective. Research background material about the band. Read the album cover."

Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon."  When I listen to it, I feel relaxed.  Then I feel like I am high as a fucking kite.  I also feel scared of the screaming lady at the end of side 1.  Then I go through the relaxed, high, scared emotions again on side 2.  The album is a picture of a pyramid.  

"2.  Start with the facts: who the band is, what type of music it is, past albums, how many tracks the current CD has and song titles. Opening with your opinion is not a good idea; you want readers to read your entire article, not just the first paragraph"

This is Pink Floyd's eighth studio album.  It has ten tracks.  This band is British.  It is space rock.  Their past albums are not as good.

"3. Bring your impressions and point of view alive. Give examples. Use poetic language. Select specific tracks that you feel strongly about, and share which tracks disliked too."

This album is chasing me down the street, wanting to give me a joint, a massage, and a knife through the ribs at the same time.  It wants to get me high as a fucking kite and then toss me in the air so that I land on the knife.  I liked "Us and Them."  It involved lots of death, but it made me sleepy.  I like to be sleepy.  I liked the sleepy tracks.  I disliked the tracks where I got disemboweled.

"4.  Form an opinion about the music. Write specifically about the CD you are reviewing, not as much about the band itself or its past CDs."

In my opinion, this album will never be famous.  People tend not to like getting stabbed by music, especially when they're sleepy.

"5.  Expand on your ideas. Make comparisons to other musical acts, if appropriate. Summarize your thoughts about the album in the final paragraph, so readers leave the review with your feelings clearly stated."

Fuck.  Okay.  In my opinion, this band will really never be famous.  Honest.  The album that is chasing me is gigantic.  Two stories tall.  I am afraid.  I am very afraid.  Then I am sleepy again.

The end

Thanks, ehow!

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