I have an idea for a new video game. I call it Crackhead Manager. I want it to be available on Wii, PS3, XBox, PC, and any handheld apparatus you might tool around town with.
The premise of the game is simple: The government has granted you a non-government organization (NGO) and provides you with funding for the purpose of finding, corralling, and rehabilitating crackheads.
The game will be a meritocracy. The more crackheads you find, corral, and rehabilitate, the more money the government will give you.
To start, you'll be equipped with night-vision goggles, a taser, and a two-bedroom apartment with barred windows and a deadbolt on each bedroom door. (Alternatively, you can upgrade your equipment to include a tranquilizer gun as long as you are willing to downgrade your apartment to a treehouse.) As you find, capture, and cage the town's crackheads, the government will send you dough, which you can use for assorted upgrades.
Some of those upgrades include:
Barbed wire
Toadies (to fetch you tacos)
Shotguns
Police vans (mobile prison)
Pistols
Armor-piercing bullets (for killing cops who are trying to arrest your crackheads)
Italian suit
Mazarati
Cocaine (which you might need on long stakeouts)
Crack (bait)
As with most games, the objective is to build your empire. However, you can choose a variety of paths to domination.
1. Business Model. Perfect your crackhead-catching skills, dominate and kill the other crackhead-catching NGOs, and form a monopoly. Expand to other towns, states, countries, and eventually the world. Run crack out of business. Develop a coke habit in the process.
2. Reality Mode. Or you can do what other NGOs do: nothing. Sit back and watch the crackheads overrun the planet. Stockpile popcorn, Jameson, and Hot Pockets, and watch the apocalypse from your window.
3. Aggro Mode. Turn the game into a first-person shooter by targeting the drug dealers and the suppliers. No drugs = no crack = no crackheads. Turn the entire world into a rehabilitation center. Get ripped to shreds by a sober and pissed off populace as a result.
4. Attack the world of the crackheads, who have a surprisingly cohesive world, with their own government (anarchy), currency (back alley handjobs), and leaders. To invade and ultimately destroy this world, you'll have to challenge a series of crackhead bosses, progressing in difficulty from Lindsay Lohan to Nick Nolte to the zombie corpse of Amy Winehouse to the unchallenged King of Crack, Robert Downey Jr. (dressed as Iron Man).
The premise of the game is simple: The government has granted you a non-government organization (NGO) and provides you with funding for the purpose of finding, corralling, and rehabilitating crackheads.
The game will be a meritocracy. The more crackheads you find, corral, and rehabilitate, the more money the government will give you.
To start, you'll be equipped with night-vision goggles, a taser, and a two-bedroom apartment with barred windows and a deadbolt on each bedroom door. (Alternatively, you can upgrade your equipment to include a tranquilizer gun as long as you are willing to downgrade your apartment to a treehouse.) As you find, capture, and cage the town's crackheads, the government will send you dough, which you can use for assorted upgrades.
Some of those upgrades include:
Barbed wire
Toadies (to fetch you tacos)
Shotguns
Police vans (mobile prison)
Pistols
Armor-piercing bullets (for killing cops who are trying to arrest your crackheads)
Italian suit
Mazarati
Cocaine (which you might need on long stakeouts)
Crack (bait)
As with most games, the objective is to build your empire. However, you can choose a variety of paths to domination.
1. Business Model. Perfect your crackhead-catching skills, dominate and kill the other crackhead-catching NGOs, and form a monopoly. Expand to other towns, states, countries, and eventually the world. Run crack out of business. Develop a coke habit in the process.
2. Reality Mode. Or you can do what other NGOs do: nothing. Sit back and watch the crackheads overrun the planet. Stockpile popcorn, Jameson, and Hot Pockets, and watch the apocalypse from your window.
3. Aggro Mode. Turn the game into a first-person shooter by targeting the drug dealers and the suppliers. No drugs = no crack = no crackheads. Turn the entire world into a rehabilitation center. Get ripped to shreds by a sober and pissed off populace as a result.
4. Attack the world of the crackheads, who have a surprisingly cohesive world, with their own government (anarchy), currency (back alley handjobs), and leaders. To invade and ultimately destroy this world, you'll have to challenge a series of crackhead bosses, progressing in difficulty from Lindsay Lohan to Nick Nolte to the zombie corpse of Amy Winehouse to the unchallenged King of Crack, Robert Downey Jr. (dressed as Iron Man).
| How did you know I'm still on drugs? |
once i've learnt a bit more c++ this sounds like an awesome thing to make. would make a refreshing break from football manager!
ReplyDeleteAwesome. I'm in. By the way, I used to play a baseball manager game. You just reminded me to check to see if the newest version is available. Thanks.
ReplyDelete