If I am ever at the World Series . . . and then I suddenly wake up in a hospital bed with Bradley Cooper next to me and a photographer taking our picture, I will know that I am screwed.
The over/under on my condition at that point will be "Lost 1 Leg."
If instead of Bradley Cooper, it is Ashley Judd, then I'm good. I just lost a toe.
If it's Tom Cruise, I've got nothing left under the hospital sheets.
If it's Mila Kunis, then I've just got my head left. And how am I living with just a head?
I guess my point is this: If I ever see a World Series game, I never want to wake up in a hospital bed with a celebrity standing next to me.
How could that ever be good?
The over/under on my condition at that point will be "Lost 1 Leg."
If instead of Bradley Cooper, it is Ashley Judd, then I'm good. I just lost a toe.
If it's Tom Cruise, I've got nothing left under the hospital sheets.
If it's Mila Kunis, then I've just got my head left. And how am I living with just a head?
I guess my point is this: If I ever see a World Series game, I never want to wake up in a hospital bed with a celebrity standing next to me.
How could that ever be good?
If I'm ever at the World Series I want it to be because I just accidentally went on a 72 hour drug binge like they used to do back in the days of Sam Kinneson and Motley Crue.
ReplyDeleteI want to break in and attempt to buy everyone in the whole fucking stadium a beer and have 16 members of security chasing me while I throw overpriced wieners at them.
Your fantasy is more movie-worthy than mine.
ReplyDeleteTell me honestly: If you're watching the eighth inning of the World Series, Game 5, with the score tied 2-2, and the pitcher goes into his windup . . .
. . . and then you wake up and Hillary Swank is looking down at you with a big smile, and cameras are snapping a dozen photos a second . . .
. . . Tell me you aren't screaming your head off.
hilary swank is an anagram of hilary's wank. and, if it was her standing there, that is all i would be able to think about.
ReplyDelete