Thursday, February 21, 2013

Thank You, World, for Guy Fieri

I should preface this post by admitting that I know very little about Guy Fieri.  Is he a TV personality who likes to cook, or a cook who spazzes out enough to qualify as a TV personality?  I don't watch TV, in large part because I don't have one.  But back when I did have one, I would occasionally scroll through the channels and see Guy Fieri, whose personality seemed to be the equivalent of a screaming 320-pound woman wearing nothing but a pink neon shower curtain and skateboarding, both arms pinwheeling, down a narrow sidewalk toward me at 30 miles per hour.  My method of leaping into the nearest alleyway?  A quick change of the channel.

0.4 seconds of his red moon face, spiky dyed white hair, and mouth perpetually open--see pic--seemed to be enough for the month.

It turns out that I'm not alone.  Not too long ago, the New York Times, a paper not exactly known for its humor, reviewed one of Guy's shitty restaurants, and that would have been funny enough in itself, if I didn't also learn in the same yahoo article that some funny dude somewhere managed to buy the website domain that has the same name as Guy's American Kitchen & Bar and put up a freaking hilarious parody menu.

I will leave it to you to tour the menu for your personal favorite, but here's mine:

Superbowl Bash Bro-det $37.95

A bidet jammed to the brim with bubbling, overflowing Velveeta over a hidden layer of hamburger-fisted pig skins and a generous sprinkling of Dirty South Couch Crumbs.  The bidet is an MP3 player that plays Smash Mouth while you eat.  Serves one.

* * *

Aside from that, Quincy is moving along at a steady pace.  The most recent chapter is about double the length of most of the other chapters; I will not be keeping that up.  Anyhoo, he will soon be seeing a psychiatrist, an idea endorsed by the poll on the right side of this blog but also an idea that I was already planning on doing anyway.  I mentioned before that I should be adding to the Quincy story twice weekly, on Thursdays and Saturdays or thereabouts, and that remains the plan.

New music has also been quite good these first two months.  So far, it is safe to say that Jan-Feb 2013 is kicking the shit out the new releases of Jan-Feb 2012.

Due to the Islamic world's choice to make Friday a holy day, my weekend begins now.  Unfortunately, the Islamic world also considers Sunday to be a working day, so while you're relaxing, I'll be hypnotizing (i.e., teaching) chickens (i.e., students).


  1. I don't watch TV, in large part because I don't have one.

    LOL - you're not missing much.

    1. Yeah. I haven't missed it. When I need to watch something, I download it and check it out on my laptop. That happens less and less these days.